Ok, ok, I’m back for real. For real.

I wanted to ease myself back into my routine with a nice, short route. I picked the 35, which travels from the residential areas of Glen Park past a park named Billy Goat Hill Park (not a major sight, but I like the name) through Noe Valley and what is sometimes referred to as Eureka Valley and other times the Castro, ending at the corner of Castro and Market Streets.

I drove to the bus stop at the beginning of the line, which is pretty inaccessible from any bus line other than the 35. I used to drive deliveries in San Francisco and have managed to see most of the neighborhoods in this city over the past 4 years living in the area. The winding streets that took me to this neighborhood on a hill were unlike anything I had seen in San Francisco. They were much more reminiscent of the Berkeley Hills than the houses typically found in the City.

There were no cars, no people, no businesses. The street on which I parked was quiet and tree-lined. Except for the lack of bus lines in the neighborhood it looked like a pretty ideal place to live. Well, that and the million dollar price tag on the homes.

The bus schedule directed me to an address of 164 Addison, which seems to just be the address of some poor soul who owns a home in an unfortunate location. At most Muni stops there’s a sign on a pole marking the stop and listing the lines. This stop didn’t and we looked around for a few minutes before spotting the paint on the street marking the stop.

Ah ha! That's where we wait!

The bus came on schedule (gasp!) and we boarded for our short journey. We climbed steep, windy roads that I am nervous driving on with my minivan; I can’t imagine it’s easy to drive a massive bus up the streets either. About ten people were on board mid-route, and I’m sure most of them thought I was a bit crazy when I spotted two men riding segways on a steep residential street and got way too excited about it.

I didn’t have my camera (ie phone) ready, and they were on the other side of the bus. I knew it was going to be the most exciting spotting on my journey (and I was right). I whipped out my phone,  tried to get the camera started, and fumbled my way over to the other side of the bus, quite excited. How often do you see non-tourists or actors riding a segway? Try as I might, I missed my photo opportunity, so you’ll all have to imagine two middle-aged men wearing helmets trying to have their chosen mode of transportation taken seriously.

By the way, I looked up the cost of a segway. Did you know that they set you back around six grand? That’s sixty times what I paid for my car, and I don’t have to have people pointing and whispering when I’m driving. Of course, it’s 3,000 times the cost of my bus ride, so that’s really the way to go.

As we traveled through Noe Valley the system that assists vision-impaired riders with getting off at the right stop malfunctioned. It went something like this:

28th and Duncan,  28th and Duncan, 28th and Duncan, 27th and Cesar Chavez, 27th and Cesar Chavez, 26th and Cesar Chavez, 26th and Cesar Chavez, 26th and Cesar Chavez, 26th and Cesar Chavez, 26th and Cesar Chavez, 26th and Clipper, 26th and Clipper, 26th and Clipper, 26th and Clipper, 26th and Clipper, 26th and Clipper, 26th and Clipper, 26th and Clipper.

If you found that annoying, try being trapped on that bus. Finally by 25th street it sounded like it had righted itself, and was only two blocks off by the time we hit 22nd.

And then, when I thought it was over, it started again, but this time with Spanish announcements about moving to the back of the bus and watching your belongings. Again, and again, and again. Then in Chinese. Although my sister-in-law is from China and my niece spoke Mandarin way before she learned English, my Chinese vocabulary is limited to familial relationships, thank you, and important words like doggy, so I can’t verify the content of the recording, but I am pretty sure it was similar.

We reached our destination at what is probably my favorite corner in San Francisco. Castro and Market is within blocks of some of the nicest houses, tastiest restaurants, most exciting bars, and the best movie theater in San Francisco. After seeing a Man vs. Food episode (if you haven’t seen this show you don’t know what you’re missing. It is every bit as awesome as it sounds) filmed at a sandwich shop called Ike’s Place and hearing glowing recommendations from my friends I was determined to eat there. I know this doesn’t have to do with a bus ride, but I will not let this visit take place in vain.

We expected the line to be long, but I don’t know that we were prepared for what awaited us:

I was the 35th person in line. After 50 minutes I placed my order, and after a grand total of 1 hour and 15 minutes I got my sandwich, which did have fried cheese sticks inside, and was rather delicious, but I have to say the experience was rather anti-climactic.

Our transfers expired to the minute we got back on the bus. I gave a very big smile and hello to the driver, hoping he would let us slide since we were in ambiguous territory, and he did. The woman behind us pulled out a ukulele, and if she hadn’t been enormously talented I imagine the ride would have been torturous. This wasn’t any “Over the Rainbow,” either. She played a few songs I had never heard but that were all hauntingly beautiful. It’s the first time I’ve actually been disappointed when music on a bus stopped.

I did manage to find the stop at which I parked my car. Thankfully, the driving did us all the favor of announcing the stops himself.